Monday, September 27, 2010

A message from my guardian angel, brought to me by the Jehovah's witnesses (who would have thought).

A Message from my Guardian Angel, brought to me by the Jehovah’s Witnesses (who would have thought)

I’m afraid of 2012. I feel like a freak about it. No one talks much about the world possibly ending in a couple years, as once predicted. There may be mention of it every now and then, but even the media doesn’t really seem to be jumping all over that story. I imagine Fox news will use it as a right wing campaign strategy in the 2012 elections; GIVE US BACK THE WHITE HOUSE AND WE WILL BAIL US OUT OF DOOMSDAY, but for now, nothing. I’ve brought it up once or twice in “casual” conversation and while people were familiar with the rumored impending doom, no one seemed terribly concerned, just me.

I have decided that my uncharacteristically pessimistic obsession with this is because I have an amazing family with 3.5 beautiful children and an all-around wonderful life. I look at my precious little ones and become all at once, overwhelmed with how much I freaking love them, and terrified that I can’t protect them from all of the lurking danger in the world. I feel so fortunate and blessed that it scares me. I have felt this way before, and then suddenly my mother was gone. Life cannot feel perfect for too long without waiting for the other shoe to drop.

It doesn’t help that I allow myself to get sucked into the political debauchery of cable news whose mission it is to spread the news (fear) that if we do not succumb to their agenda, we ARE doomed. And both sides are adamant that they can save the world and rescue us from the destruction of the “other side”. And even when one side has already brought us to the brink of devastation, we are seemingly willing to give then another chance because the other side isn’t rescuing us fast enough and even has the nerve to ask us all to do our parts to help us save ourselves and our future generations from…ourselves. If you’re paying attention the news isn’t good.

I have definitely thought to myself “I wouldn’t be surprised if God got a little tired of man and his sinful ‘free will’ and just decided to wipe the slate clean and start over.” I’m sure he’s ashamed of us. I mean, even though most of us are good people, we’ve somehow managed to hand his world over to the selfish, greedy, soul-less leaders of our world. We have sold our souls to the devil and now there is strong opposition toward any attempt to get it back and redeem ourselves.

A few weeks ago while I was outside cleaning the pool I was blindsided by some very kind women toting their gospel. I’m not gonna lie, if I were hidden inside, I would not have answered to door. I have nothing against these good people who walk around all day attempting to spread some good news. I just do not have the time to sit down with them for a cup of tea and some religious schooling. But they found me.

They observed and commented that I looked busy and I concurred. So we had instantly and politely reached an unspoken agreement that I would not even be opening the gate and inviting them in any further. But my voice of reason, kindness and tolerance told me to give them five minutes.

They ask me about my fears, and I told them about my doomsday paranoia. They opened their bibles and recited five or six lines about how the evil in the world will one day be eliminated and that the earth will remain forever and the “meek will inherit the earth”. Again, I’m not gonna lie, my heart sank, not from fear, but from ease, like it was no longer about to burst out of my cheast from terror. I’m plenty meek, not in the timid or submissive way, but in the mild and gentle way. I mean, I was voted most nonchalant in my senior class. Isn’t that a synonym for meek?

Those five minutes, five lines, and five percent chance that they would catch me outside all alone gave me some genuine relief and faith. I told them so. I know they get many doors slammed in their faces, if even opened to them. I know they are only a nemesis to most who are certain that they, too, already have it all figured out, or a nuisance to those that just don’t give a damn. But their intentions were only good and their efforts were triumphant. “You did good work today ladies. I feel much better. Thank you.” And I did. No, I am not converting (which is the single most frequently
asked question when I tell this story). I am just thankful and faith-filled, again.

Someone sent those people to me at that just-the-right moment (someone who wants me to cherish and make the most of every second I have with her beloved grandchildren whom she misses terribly) to tell me to let go of my worries; to see my children’s future in their eyes rather than my own fears; to live in the present, blessed and thankful.

Thank you, Mom. You’re right, again.