Chapter- Unhappily Never After

Chapter-unhappily never after

He hugged me.  We had barely spoken face to face in over two years, after our 14 year failed attempt at happily ever after, as I have tried desperatly to avoid eye contact with my unrequited love, and suddenly, he walked onto my porch and pulled me to him and hugged me. It was a surprisingly comfortable, familiar hug. It was a tight hug, with every fiber of his also battered heart, and his deep breath quivered a bit.  And our war weary hearts beat strongly against each other. 

I asked him what it was for. He let go and walked away without answering, in his truest style, and then stopped and looked back and said “just because”...with tears in his eyes.  And in that moment, I think we both saw two people who had given it everything we could, and neither of which was enough for the other in the earth shattering end. 

I was shaken...to my core. It felt like I was facing a demon I had long given up on. The one who would NEVER come around and realize how lucky he was to have me.  He is the only one in the world who has ever met that whole-hearted, unjaded, passionate woman. He is the only man who that woman ever gave her all. He broke that woman. And suddenly he was standing on my porch, hugging her. 

 It hurt.  It brought to the surface, all the sadness that my anger had buried.  And then It felt a bit healing. I cried off and on, for days, at the thought of it. The tears feel like a release of a tiny bit of that painful notion that he will never consider himself lucky to have been so loved by me, that he will never be sorry for taking me for granted or  ever appreciate all that I poured into him and our family.  Maybe there is hope that he will one day be very genuinely sorry for breaking me, or look back in awe of everything I gave.  

 That full moon was something last night, after all...