What's the C-word?

My 8-year-old has a crush on a boy band. Watching her get a little twinkle in her eye over everything One Direction makes me want to break out my New Kids on the Block cassette and stare at their full-size cardboard cutout. (Don’t judge me.) I totally get it. It’s so dreamy to pretend that these cute boys are as charming as they sound in their songs and that they would be the best boyfriend ever! Jordan Knight was my very first imaginary knight in shining armor, once upon a time.

But, the other day, she came home and presented me with this question:

“Mommy, one of my friends told me that one of the boys from One Direction swore at a group of his fans. He called them the c-word. What does that mean?”

At that moment, the mother in me was eager to ground that young boy and forbid him from being a pop star ever again. The proud, self-respecting, furious, speechless women in me wanted to throw something at him. And it wasn’t just that he has it coming for being so unacceptably rude and vulgar to a group of young, starry-eyed, adoring, and impressionable girls, but it was more so because my daughter asked me a question whose answer was too despicable to utter. Thanks a lot, you little [bleep].

I refused to answer the question. (I couldn’t have, even if I wanted to.) I told her that because she is a sweet, kind, young girl, she didn’t deserve to know that word. All she needs to know is that this boy is NOT cool (that’s as nicely as I could put it.)

She wasn’t happy that I was knocking one her boys off of his pedestal. But I wasn’t about to cut this kid any slack. I’m not one of those moms who is ultra-sensitive to the trampy attire of Miley Cyrus and the like. And I’m willing to face the tough Demi Lovato inspired “What is rehab?” question. I think these are some teachable moments for my daughter to learn about self respect and self control, and about being who are are, and not trying to be who someone else is. I think she gets it. (I pray she gets it.)

But I have no tolerance for THAT word. It’s a word that people use when they want to be as vile and disrespectful to a women as they can possibly be. It’s a word that they know is going to sting on a whole other level. It’s despicable and unacceptable. So while I won’t fill in the blanks for her, I will happily explain to her that when she does learn THAT word, she too, should not tolerate it. I will tell her that this boy doesn’t deserve her admiration, or the admiration of those fans whom he insulted (to say the least.) 

She seems a little disappointed in the boy. But she tells me that he apologized (I’m sure he did, they always do), and looks at me like she would like to forgive him, but needs my approval. All I can do is imagine this conversation happening in seven or eight years, only this time we are talking about her actual boyfriend instead of her imaginary boyfriend.

It feels like a pivotal moment. I want to teach forgiveness, and I want her to NOT tolerate THAT word. I suggest that while she may still enjoy the music, that boy doesn’t deserve the bubble, the pedestal, an ounce of her admiration, or a moment of her time. Take him for what he’s worth; a catchy tune.  But peg him for what he is, a little (bleep)!