Excerpts from a Saturday morning.

It all began before I had even opened my eyes.
“Mommy can I please have some cereal, mommy?” '
He may have the sweetest little voice in the whole wide world, but to begin the day with the first of a million requests (500 of which were for this bowl of cereal) complete with two of the million plus “mommies” I would hear throughout the day was a bad sign.

Do you have any idea how much you love me?”
This line accompanied the always sweet kiss goodbye from my love who was off to the gym. At the time it was both sweet and cute enough to almost make up for my rude awakening, but still not enough to drag me out of bed.

“MOMMY I NEED SOME CEREAL!!!”
“Go ask Daddy. He’s in the kitchen. Hurry before he leaves.”
I just needed five more minutes in bed.

“Daddy can I have some cereal.”
“I can’t. I gotta go. I’m late”.
Apparently the treadmill does not like it when you’re 8 seconds late for a workout.

“MOMMMMMYYYY! I NEED SOME CEREAAAAAAAALLLL!”
I had to get up NOW, and on the WRONG SIDE OF THE BED!

I got the cereal while simultaneously trying to make my coffee and curse my boyfriend and his now obnoxious and infuriating comment this morning. All of this was serenaded by the self inflating whoopee cushion Santa brought (strike three for daddy this morning).

“Mommy, can we go in the hot tub?”
“Sure, after breakfast”.
Breakfast over. Clothes off.
“You didn’t eat your cereal, the cereal your life clearly depended on five minutes ago."
“We want to go in the hot tub”
I want to throw the bowls of cereal across the room but I can’t even conjure up lunatic mommy before my first cup of coffee. She requires a lot of energy to sufficiently snap.

“Mommy, can we go in the hot tub, mommy…mommy…mommy….hot tub…hot tub…hot tub.”

“Yes, after my coffee” I tell my naked, impatient children.
In the meantime…

“Maddie you smell like your butt.”

“Leo, touch your butt to my butt.”

“Mommy, there are four more months til warm weather… and I farted four times this morning.”

"MOMMYMOMMYMOMMYMOMMYMOMMYMOMMYMOMMYMOMMYMOMMYMOMMY!!!!!!!"

“I’m not Mommy right now, I’m just a lady in a hot tub.”