The Fetching Milestone

As a parent, there is one milestone in particular that I really looked forward to with each child, the day they learned to fetch. It’s the beginning of a whole new life sprinkled with a moment or two to sit down during the day.

I started very early with my first two. The moment they were independently mobile I was trying my luck asking them to get something for me. It was worth a shot to ask my seven month old babies to crawl over and get himself a new diaper.

But there is a catch. Just because they may have learned the skill of going to get something all by themselves doesn’t mean they will actually do it for you. At first it’s all about them. They are excited to discover something new that they can do and will eagerly oblige. But it doesn’t take long for the novelty to wear off and suddenly they realize that they are just doing “work” that Mommy is supposed to be doing because Mommy does everything. And labeling it “help” and trying to explain that concept to a five year old is really no help at all.

And then there is bribery (admit it). I know bribery is not the ideal route, but I have convinced myself that if I use it, it will at least get them into the habit of helping; I’m training them, if you will. (Now that I see this logic written in front of me it’s screaming “backfire”).

And thank goodness for humor, like when I ask Madeline to get her shoes and coat on because the bus is coming and she comes back moments later barreling through the kitchen on roller skates…with no coat. Or when I ask Leo to go get me a pair of jammies from his room and he comes back, very proudly, with his Handy Manny wrench. “Here Mommy, I got you this”, as if he knew better than I did what I really needed.

I struggle with hypocrisy here too. It’s hard to explain to my six year old why I ask her to pick up some of her two year old brother’s messes. She won’t accept the fact that trying to get him to do certain things is really just more work for me. I have to pick my battles.

She gets her revenge however. Like when Leo came back with that wrench instead of his pajamas. She thought it was hysterical. I gave up and asked her to PLEASE go get them for me;

“He’ll get them Mommy, just ask him again.”

“You just want to see what he brings back next don’t you?”

“Yeah I really do” she giggles.

I have to admit, I’m curious too. But in the end, Mommy would get the pajamas, because Mommy does everything, (and because pajamas=bedtime).