I Want a Guy..

Madeline: I want a guy who is tall and really hot and has gorgeous eyes and beautiful hair and who has some money and works hard and provides for our family but also makes time for his family and who supports me and whatever I want to do and who really loves me and is a really good father to our children.

Me: yes. That's exactly what you deserve. And don't give up until you find that.

This little declaration from my newly 13 year old daughter brought me some serious validation and peace of mind.  I don’t know how, at 13 years old, my girl has more wisdom than some of us will die wanting.  But I like to think I had something to do with it.  In fact, I like to think that her father and I, and our sincere but failed efforts to live happily ever after, taught her everything to do and not do.  

She is determined to have a hard working man who makes her feel safe and cared for.  Her father taught her that.  He has an unmatchable work ethic and knows how to earn and take very good care of his family.  His children want for nothing.  I mean, they’re kids, so they always want something.  But they have more than enough.  They’re childhood will never be forgotten.  

But that work ethic cost us at times.  My dad once told me, when I called him in tears because I was so lonely because my boyrfriend was a workaholic, “you can’t fault him for working hard.”  I’m not so sure that’s true.  There is a fine line between admirable and heartbreaking when a person puts work first.  Running a company may sound like a higher priority than pre-k graduations or t-ball games, but it’s not.  Part of that unforgettable childhood my children are having will be those memories of dad not showing up.  

She wants to have a family, because family is everything.  We’ve taught her that.  But she doesn’t want to be single-handedly responsible for parenting.  She will be a great mom who does anything for her kids, but she won’t be a stay at home mom who sacrifices EVERYTHING for the sake of her family.  She has plans.  Big plans.  And she’s gonna have it all.  But she has assured me that she believes that my staying home and raising our kids and putting myself last, always, made me happy, and was exactly what I wanted to be doing.  She knows I consider myself lucky to have had that opportunity.  She admires her dad for making it happen.  But she also sees me now, trying to get back on my feet without the help of a hard working man to provide for me.  She worries, and she is determined to never put herself in that position.  I taught her that.  I taught her to do what makes you happy, but to be self-sufficient, a lesson I learned the hard way.  And it was worth it, to give her the confidence and wisdom to know better.